I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
