I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
