I accidentally burped into my bong.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
