dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
