He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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