hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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