i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize