Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
