Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
