Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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