I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
