You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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