I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize