as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
