I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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