So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
