i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
