I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
