so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
