1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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