So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
