I cut my penus on the lid.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
