i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
