He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize