My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
