his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
