i think my mom watched the whole time
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize