This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
