FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
