well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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