my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
