we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize