take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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