so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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