I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
