hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
