Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
