she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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