Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
