i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
