I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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