I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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