I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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