Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
