I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
