If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
