i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
