Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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