What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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