shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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