There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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