During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
