The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
