I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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