ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
