Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
