He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
