i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
