I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
