Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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