It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I will die if light touches me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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