woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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