I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
