You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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