Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
